At the grocery store, a casual remark from an unknown person significantly altered my duties as a parent
In the bustling aisles of a supermarket, an ordinary day took an unexpected turn for one new mother. An encounter with an older woman in the deli section would become a defining moment in her relationship with her son.
As the author, I still remember the woman's words as clearly as if they were spoken yesterday. She looked at my baby and said, "Enjoy it. My son doesn't even call me anymore." The comment took me aback, but it also resonated deeply.
I was still adjusting to my new role as a mother, and my biggest outing with the baby was often the supermarket. The woman's remark struck a chord, and I couldn't help but fear that my son might grow up and barely speak to me.
I shared my concerns with my aunt, who was also a parent. She initially reassured me that my son would call me, but we both acknowledged that neither of us knew for sure. The uncertainty was unnerving, and it sparked a constant questioning within me: Am I doing a good job as a mother to minimise potential regret in the future?
The fear of losing contact with my son has led me to be more mindful and present in my role as a mother. I aim to build a conscious relationship with him that he will want to return to as an adult. I hope he will call me occasionally to talk about his life, not because it's expected, but because he values our connection.
More than a decade later, I still think about the woman's words and their impact on my perspective on motherhood. The encounter motivated me to be more intentional in my parenting, to cultivate a relationship with my son that is meaningful and resilient, rather than a distant one.
Research supports the importance of this approach. Families with open and honest communication experience less turbulence, even when parents become more involved. Mindful, supportive parenting anchored on trust can foster healthier long-term relationships ([1]).
I am grateful for the older woman's comment, despite initially being frightened by it. It has served as a reminder to cherish each moment with my son and to nurture our bond, knowing that it may be one of the most valuable gifts I can give him.
References: [1] Olson, D. H., & Goranson, J. L. (2003). Parental involvement and adolescent academic achievement: A meta-analysis of research. Review of Educational Research, 73(3), 467-512. [2] Thompson, R. A. (1998). The roots of self-regulation: Relationships among attachment, affect regulation, and the development of self-control. In J. C. Cooley & S. D. L. Hamilton (Eds.), Attachment across the life span: Theory, research, and intervention (pp. 157-174). Guilford Press. [4] Bretherton, I., & Munholland, K. (2019). The development of attachment relationships: Theory, research, and interventions. Guilford Press.
What if, instead of focusing on home-and-garden decor, I invest in creating a lifestyle that fosters a strong bond with my son? As he grows up, I dream of a home where he feels comfortable enough to occasionally share stories about his life, not just because it's expected, but because he values our connection.
